Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
