piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
