I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
