You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dignity is for republicans.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
