Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
