nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
