Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
