I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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