I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
