In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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