not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
