the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
