I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Randomize