wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
