This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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