I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
