for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize