I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
