Life is so much better after having sex.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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