why didn't you poke me back
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
