I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize