i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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