I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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