they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
