Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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