Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
