im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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