hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
