There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
