I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
