Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize