Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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