The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
