she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
