I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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