he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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