1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
