he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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