So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize