Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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