I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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