Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
