you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
