from now on my penis is your penis
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
