I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
