Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
