Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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