theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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