i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you inspire me to be a worse person
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
