Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
