how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
