i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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