I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
