Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
