I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
