I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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