using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
