I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
