So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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